Why I Am Not Emotionally Ready For Tomorrow and (Alternative Title) Hutson Mason to Replace Mike Bobo as Offensive Coordinator

Please excuse the alternative title. To get reader hits, you have to name it something sexy for the Dawgbone crowd.

To the point at hand – No, I’m not ready for tomorrow. I have a ticket, a new gameday shirt, some bourbon, a place to stay, etc. But emotionally, I’m a wreck. I realized why.

This season is a rebound. An emotional rebound. Last year I was dating the girl who I thought I’d end up with only to have her say no and close the ring-box in my face (don’t click unless you love misery).  Yeah, there was a hookup with some gutterslut a few weeks after the initial heartbreak, but I’ve been holed up in my house eating massive bowls of cereal for every meal since.

Am I ok just because a spring and summer have gone by? Hell no. Hell mother f-ing no. I’m a hot damn mess.

What I need is this – I need to go to the stripclub for a week like this guy, or this guy, or shoot even this guy who went to the fancy stripclub where they keep their bottoms on and wear pasties.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to like this rebound team a lot. There’s a lot of talent, upside,

and my friends speak highly of her.

I just get the feeling like this one isn’t going to work. Maybe she’s a little too young. Not creepy old man young, but you know, a little too immature for me at this stage of my life to feel assured she’s committed to what I want.

Look, I’m going to the game. I’ll be there, going nuts, yelling profanity at children, religious zealots, and the prude blog-commenters who think urinating on north campus is a crime or something. I’ll simultaneously make proud and shame both halves of our fanbase, like always.

I just don’t know if my heart has healed enough yet. But maybe, just maybe, like the last time I got close to the prize, the first date after that relationship ended will be fantastic, like this one was:

If anyone else feels this way, let me know. Thanks for listening.

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11 responses to “Why I Am Not Emotionally Ready For Tomorrow and (Alternative Title) Hutson Mason to Replace Mike Bobo as Offensive Coordinator

  1. This: “I’ll simultaneously make proud and shame both halves of our fanbase, like always” is gold Jerry, pure gold! Also, I’ve never heard the term gutterslut but I’ll be sure to find a use for it mañana when we are in the hated state that houses the first Death Valley team we play this year…

    GO DAWGS!!!!!!!

  2. To be honest, I don’t think I’m ever emotionally ready for any UGA game, even when we play guttersluts. It’s sad, really– what a game played by 18 to 22 year olds (or 27 if you’re Chris Weinke) can do to my emotional state.

    Here’s to us pulling out a close one, 45-38.

  3. i 100% know what you are talking about…. i moved to Columbia SC 6 weeks ago with the girl i thought i would marry only to come home 2 weeks and be told over the phone that i shouldnt return… super bitch move.. long story short. she screwed me over big time.. if we lose tmrw im gonna lose it literally.
    good luck

  4. No worries,boys and girls. Run. The. Damn. Ball. Limit the amount of time Clemson has the ball. Keep the defense fresh. Spence, Zach and I will return from the stadium drunk and victorious.

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